Check out this review of the new Al Pacino movie Two for the Money from the aptly-named Couch Slouch:

There’s a new sports-betting movie out called “Two for the Money.”

Larry King calls it “the best movie about gambling ever made! … This film has everything.” Couch Slouch calls it “the worst movie about gambling ever made! … This film has nothing.”

Guess which blurb the studio is using in its newspaper ads?

I would explain the thrust of the film to you, except it has no story and it makes no sense. It was a bit like watching the Ravens’ offense — somewhat scripted, going nowhere.

The movie starts with a game-winning, career-ending touchdown and finishes with a game-winning, career-ending touchdown. In between, there is occasional dialogue.

Walter (Al Pacino), who is married to Toni (Rene Russo), owns a sports-tout service and hires former college quarterback Brandon (Matthew McConaughey) to be his star handicapper. If Brandon picks games well, they all get rich; if he doesn’t, they all go broke.

I don’t think I’m leaving out any nuance here.

(By the end of the first act, the usher in my theater gave two weeks’ notice.)

The Couch Slouch: Upon further review, gambling movie stinks

I haven’t seen the movie, so I’m reserving comment–from the reviews it’s gotten, I’ll wait for it to show up on HBO–or at least the Tropicana Cinemas.

If you’re curious, here’s a list of movies that Two for the Money would have to have been better than to be “the greatest movie about gambling ever made:”

The Croupier
The Cooler
The Sting
Owning Mahony
Casino
SnakeEyes (not really about gambling, but set at the Taj)
Boiler Room
Ocean’s Eleven (1960)
anything by W. C. Fields

That’s just a partial list, but you get the point. Once I’ve actually seen Two for the Money, I’ll let you know whether it belongs in this pantheon.

UPDATE: As of May 2008, I still haven’t gotten around to seeing it. And nobody’s the worse for that.